Post by lace on Nov 5, 2006 16:28:29 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Breaking the cycle of abuse
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Roberta Cory's turning point was when she had enough of the excuses [/glow]
BY CAROLYN THOMPSON
cthompson@nwitimes.com
219.933.3229
This story ran on nwitimes.com on Sunday, November 5, 2006 12:03 AM CST
HAMMOND | Roberta Cory knows firsthand the hard, cold slap of domestic abuse.
"I lived my life on egg shells for 12 years," the 57-year-old said while sitting in the comfort of a Purdue-Calumet conference room.
The power-packed assistant to the vice chancellor for student services reflected on that edgy episode of her life.
"On my wedding night, I was beat so bad, I was unrecognizable," she said remembering a frigid evening in November 1977. "I was so ashamed, embarrassed that I hid from my family until I could heal myself."
Cory said she took her husband's apologies to heart.
"He had an alcohol problem, and when he drank hard liquors, that became red flags for me that I would be beaten," the Crown Point resident said. "I truly believed he was right when he would say it was all my fault.
"I remember when he would beat me, I would continue to say how sorry I was. He had brainwashed me that I was only able to survive because of him."
Her ex-husband said he chose not to comment about the situation.
Cory enumerated multiple losses that happened on the onset to her path of abuse.
She was an only child adopted into a family that gave her wonderful memories in Chicago's Roseland area on the city's far South Side.
In 1968, Cory married her high school sweetheart, but the stiff responsibilities of parenthood proved to be too much for the young couple who divorced shortly after their daughter's birth in 1971.
"Life was good," she said until her mother died in 1975 and her father died of a massive heart attack two years later.
Cory's future husband, a unionized bricklayer, came into her life shortly before her parents' deaths.
"We didn't have a lot of friends because he'd get drunk and get nasty," Cory said.
On Valentine's Day 1978, the abuse escalated.
"My daughter came home with a valentine for her daddy, but he'd been drinking heavily and he said abusive things about not being her father, and he went after my daughter."
The 6-year-old was struck in the chest with a hand sickle, but was not harmed badly.
Cory said the incident was reported in Chicago newspapers and caused national attention.
"People rallied behind us and kept my daughter and me safe," she said. "He was arrested, but remembered to take our checkbook to get a lawyer and have bail money."
Cory said her husband pawned her mother's silver and wrecked her father's car.
"He really didn't want me to work, but he'd gone through the $55,000 of my inheritance money," she said.
In time, the family moved, but the behavior patterns followed.
"It was never a calendar rhythm. He'd say hateful things and tell them to me while he was beating me.
"And afterward, my young daughter would come to me with a wash cloth and ice water for my face. He always went for my face."
She had her second daughter in 1982.
But in 1989, Cory's husband picked up their child and threw her against the wall, she said.
"I got tired of his excuses, tired of his apologies," she said. "I felt strong enough to say, 'This is it.' That was my turning point."
"I've never been back with him since then. Finally finished. I was no longer afraid."
Shortly after, Cory took her youngest girl and moved to a shelter in Hammond. She and her eldest daughter were estranged at the time, but have since mended their relationship, she said.
"Most victims leave a few times. They don't leave once, they return. 1989 was my final."
Cory said it took a long time before she was in touch with herself again.
"Just in the last six or seven years, I see differences in me from 12 years ago," she said pensively. "It's a long toll, you might as well say I did double time."
Now Cory, a member of Faith Church in Dyer, is also an advocate for women who are walking in her old shoes.
"I have a couple of women I am talking to right now that are in bad situations."
www.nwitimes.com/articles/2006/11/05/news/lake_county/481dee34c43cbf8b8625721c00806f70.txt
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Roberta Cory's turning point was when she had enough of the excuses [/glow]
BY CAROLYN THOMPSON
cthompson@nwitimes.com
219.933.3229
This story ran on nwitimes.com on Sunday, November 5, 2006 12:03 AM CST
HAMMOND | Roberta Cory knows firsthand the hard, cold slap of domestic abuse.
"I lived my life on egg shells for 12 years," the 57-year-old said while sitting in the comfort of a Purdue-Calumet conference room.
The power-packed assistant to the vice chancellor for student services reflected on that edgy episode of her life.
"On my wedding night, I was beat so bad, I was unrecognizable," she said remembering a frigid evening in November 1977. "I was so ashamed, embarrassed that I hid from my family until I could heal myself."
Cory said she took her husband's apologies to heart.
"He had an alcohol problem, and when he drank hard liquors, that became red flags for me that I would be beaten," the Crown Point resident said. "I truly believed he was right when he would say it was all my fault.
"I remember when he would beat me, I would continue to say how sorry I was. He had brainwashed me that I was only able to survive because of him."
Her ex-husband said he chose not to comment about the situation.
Cory enumerated multiple losses that happened on the onset to her path of abuse.
She was an only child adopted into a family that gave her wonderful memories in Chicago's Roseland area on the city's far South Side.
In 1968, Cory married her high school sweetheart, but the stiff responsibilities of parenthood proved to be too much for the young couple who divorced shortly after their daughter's birth in 1971.
"Life was good," she said until her mother died in 1975 and her father died of a massive heart attack two years later.
Cory's future husband, a unionized bricklayer, came into her life shortly before her parents' deaths.
"We didn't have a lot of friends because he'd get drunk and get nasty," Cory said.
On Valentine's Day 1978, the abuse escalated.
"My daughter came home with a valentine for her daddy, but he'd been drinking heavily and he said abusive things about not being her father, and he went after my daughter."
The 6-year-old was struck in the chest with a hand sickle, but was not harmed badly.
Cory said the incident was reported in Chicago newspapers and caused national attention.
"People rallied behind us and kept my daughter and me safe," she said. "He was arrested, but remembered to take our checkbook to get a lawyer and have bail money."
Cory said her husband pawned her mother's silver and wrecked her father's car.
"He really didn't want me to work, but he'd gone through the $55,000 of my inheritance money," she said.
In time, the family moved, but the behavior patterns followed.
"It was never a calendar rhythm. He'd say hateful things and tell them to me while he was beating me.
"And afterward, my young daughter would come to me with a wash cloth and ice water for my face. He always went for my face."
She had her second daughter in 1982.
But in 1989, Cory's husband picked up their child and threw her against the wall, she said.
"I got tired of his excuses, tired of his apologies," she said. "I felt strong enough to say, 'This is it.' That was my turning point."
"I've never been back with him since then. Finally finished. I was no longer afraid."
Shortly after, Cory took her youngest girl and moved to a shelter in Hammond. She and her eldest daughter were estranged at the time, but have since mended their relationship, she said.
"Most victims leave a few times. They don't leave once, they return. 1989 was my final."
Cory said it took a long time before she was in touch with herself again.
"Just in the last six or seven years, I see differences in me from 12 years ago," she said pensively. "It's a long toll, you might as well say I did double time."
Now Cory, a member of Faith Church in Dyer, is also an advocate for women who are walking in her old shoes.
"I have a couple of women I am talking to right now that are in bad situations."
www.nwitimes.com/articles/2006/11/05/news/lake_county/481dee34c43cbf8b8625721c00806f70.txt